your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
