I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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