This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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