my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
tell me about the eggs
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize