im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize