Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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