girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
