Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
