There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
