At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Of course I have a pirate flag
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
