I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
