There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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