All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
