i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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