Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize