I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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