no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize