OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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