and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize