Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
