nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
