For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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