I look better un-naked...
This house was built for laser tag.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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