hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
