Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
