She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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