there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize