I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
