Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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