OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
