soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just high enough for therapy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All the doctor said was why
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
