Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
