The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize