epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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