Define "chronic" masturbator.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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