I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
