Screwed.edu
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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