you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
