plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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