I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
