if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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