My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
