girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize