Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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