would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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