btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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