cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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