sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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