Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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