I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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