all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
