new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
