Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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