I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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