let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
