I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize