Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize