I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
