Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
