kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
