I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize