I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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