I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
