my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize