ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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