you traded sex for a burrito?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
