did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
