well most of my day revolves around power hour
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize