Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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