You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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